"God always ignores your present level of completeness in favor of your ultimate future completeness. He is not concerned about making you blessed and happy right now, but He's continually working out His ultimate perfection for you." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.
I have certainly seen this to be true in my life recently. It's all about delayed gratification for me.
Along these lines, I am going to make the phonecall that will begin my Visa application process on Monday. As this grows nearer, I grow increasingly terrified that I will not be approved.
In situations like this, it is both necessary and comforting to remember that God is working out His ultimate perfection in me, and this is all for His good.
And He is good.
Pray for continued trust in Him and a supernaturally easy visa process, that does not result in the heartbreak I so fear.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
"Yes" in Christ
The other day I was reading in Mark about two different people who asked for miracles from Jesus...he granted both of their requests, but they asked in different ways, so his response was different both times. First was the healing of the bleeding woman and then of the synagogue ruler's daughter.
The woman who had been suffering bleeding for 12 years came up to Jesus sheepish and ashamed. She was lost in the crowd, but she had faith that he could heal her, so she reached through dozens of arms and legs all reaching for Jesus to touch his cloack. Sometimes I picture her as being so small compared to everyone else. You can't see her head above anyone else's, and she nearly has to crawl to get through. I see her fingers stretching as she is a few people behind Jesus, reaching desperately to touch him. And the instant she does, he wonders what happened. He can't see her because she is so small, but when she comes closer to him and admits that it was her who touched him, he says to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you." I wonder if he held her close to him as a father would a daughter, and pressed a kiss onto her head, having to bend down because she was so small, tenderly like a father would. I love to picture it like that...
The second miracle in Mark 5 was when Jesus raised the synagogue ruler's daughter to life. The man was waiting for Jesus, hoping he could ask him to heal his daughter while she was still living. But then his servants came to him and told him not to bother Jesus, because his daughter was dead. Jesus overheard this and told Jairus, "Don't be afraid, just believe." This man obviously had a different approach from the woman. He wasn't afraid to ask Jesus when his daughter was living, but once she had died, he didn't think it was appropriate to bother him anymore. That fear came in when Jairus no longer believed Jesus could do anything. But he can always do something.
Sometimes I see myself in the woman...I know God can do what I need Him to do, but I feel as though I don't deserve His attention, so I try and sneak in another way. But the woman had faith that God could do it...the ruler, on the other hand, didn't believe Jesus could heal his daughter after she had died. He thought himself worthy of asking for Jesus' help, but didn't think it was possible for Jesus to help him after a certain point. He didn't have the faith. I see myself in that as well.
Thankfully, in both situations, God was faithful to heal them, in spite of all they lacked in their approaches to Him.
Today in church we talked about 2 Corinthians 1:12-2:11. One verse brought tears to my eyes...
2 Corinthians 1:20 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ."
God can't make too many promises that He isn't able to fulfill them...and He has made some promises to me, one in particular, that He WILL be faithful to complete.
Now this is comforting, but as Darren was speaking, my mind was wandering to what I could do these next few months to prove to God that I'm expecting Him to fulfill His promise to make a way to Brazil. I thought, maybe I could give something up...a sacrifice would show Him that I believe Him, right? I was devising a great plan to give up sugar or snacks or something until August. (This would of course have the added benefit of maybe losing a pound or two before I leave.) Yes, that sounded like a wonderful idea.
Then, Darren, the pastor, reminded us of a saying that we believe but that is WRONG: "Pray as if God will do it, but act as if you must." (paraphrased...) We think we should pray as if God is the only one who can help us, but then we need to do everything within our power to help ourselves. Is that not undermining God's sovereignty? To an extent we need to take care of ourselves, etc. but when we cannot do anything, God still can. And He loves us to be in the place where we can't do anything. When we say "whoops, I guess I ran out of things to do...I've got nothin..." God finally says, "Good. Here. ::boom:: Miracle."
It is as if He just patiently waits for us to stop fumbling around, thinking we're going to fix something when really we're miles away from the solution and are just putting tinker toys together. Then when we finally look up, throw down our feeble tools and say "Oh wow. I can't do this," He laughs, says "told you so..." and pulls us up.
So I will continue to wait. Maybe I need to make a few phonecalls, apply for a visa, get a plane ticket, and pursue other things that are required before I leave...but I certainly don't need to prove to God that I've got it under control.
Because you know what? I don't.
Know what else? That's ok.
The woman who had been suffering bleeding for 12 years came up to Jesus sheepish and ashamed. She was lost in the crowd, but she had faith that he could heal her, so she reached through dozens of arms and legs all reaching for Jesus to touch his cloack. Sometimes I picture her as being so small compared to everyone else. You can't see her head above anyone else's, and she nearly has to crawl to get through. I see her fingers stretching as she is a few people behind Jesus, reaching desperately to touch him. And the instant she does, he wonders what happened. He can't see her because she is so small, but when she comes closer to him and admits that it was her who touched him, he says to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you." I wonder if he held her close to him as a father would a daughter, and pressed a kiss onto her head, having to bend down because she was so small, tenderly like a father would. I love to picture it like that...
The second miracle in Mark 5 was when Jesus raised the synagogue ruler's daughter to life. The man was waiting for Jesus, hoping he could ask him to heal his daughter while she was still living. But then his servants came to him and told him not to bother Jesus, because his daughter was dead. Jesus overheard this and told Jairus, "Don't be afraid, just believe." This man obviously had a different approach from the woman. He wasn't afraid to ask Jesus when his daughter was living, but once she had died, he didn't think it was appropriate to bother him anymore. That fear came in when Jairus no longer believed Jesus could do anything. But he can always do something.
Sometimes I see myself in the woman...I know God can do what I need Him to do, but I feel as though I don't deserve His attention, so I try and sneak in another way. But the woman had faith that God could do it...the ruler, on the other hand, didn't believe Jesus could heal his daughter after she had died. He thought himself worthy of asking for Jesus' help, but didn't think it was possible for Jesus to help him after a certain point. He didn't have the faith. I see myself in that as well.
Thankfully, in both situations, God was faithful to heal them, in spite of all they lacked in their approaches to Him.
Today in church we talked about 2 Corinthians 1:12-2:11. One verse brought tears to my eyes...
2 Corinthians 1:20 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ."
God can't make too many promises that He isn't able to fulfill them...and He has made some promises to me, one in particular, that He WILL be faithful to complete.
Now this is comforting, but as Darren was speaking, my mind was wandering to what I could do these next few months to prove to God that I'm expecting Him to fulfill His promise to make a way to Brazil. I thought, maybe I could give something up...a sacrifice would show Him that I believe Him, right? I was devising a great plan to give up sugar or snacks or something until August. (This would of course have the added benefit of maybe losing a pound or two before I leave.) Yes, that sounded like a wonderful idea.
Then, Darren, the pastor, reminded us of a saying that we believe but that is WRONG: "Pray as if God will do it, but act as if you must." (paraphrased...) We think we should pray as if God is the only one who can help us, but then we need to do everything within our power to help ourselves. Is that not undermining God's sovereignty? To an extent we need to take care of ourselves, etc. but when we cannot do anything, God still can. And He loves us to be in the place where we can't do anything. When we say "whoops, I guess I ran out of things to do...I've got nothin..." God finally says, "Good. Here. ::boom:: Miracle."
It is as if He just patiently waits for us to stop fumbling around, thinking we're going to fix something when really we're miles away from the solution and are just putting tinker toys together. Then when we finally look up, throw down our feeble tools and say "Oh wow. I can't do this," He laughs, says "told you so..." and pulls us up.
So I will continue to wait. Maybe I need to make a few phonecalls, apply for a visa, get a plane ticket, and pursue other things that are required before I leave...but I certainly don't need to prove to God that I've got it under control.
Because you know what? I don't.
Know what else? That's ok.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Sweet Illumination
This blog, though only having a few posts, is already a testament to how God is blessing my desire to go to Brazil. But even knowing that, I have been having trouble lately combating the fears that I somehow will never make it. It seems that every day I commit my heart a little more to being there and every day the risk of my heart being broken grows. I shudder to think of how I would feel if my application for a visa was turned down or if something else would happen that could prohibit my work there.
I have been singing an old gospel song these last few days, trying to convince myself to believe:
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but the Lord has given us power.
Never should I be afraid!"
Often I feel like the man who begged Jesus to help him with his unbelief. And I am grateful that Jesus does help us when we struggle to trust Him, though that must be so painful. I would have a hard time encouraging someone to trust me when I have shown them time and time again that they can. Yet that is just what He does, reminding me through letters, through people telling me how they are supporting me, through my dear friends, and through Himself that I have nothing to worry about.
I also need to disconnect myself from this equation much more than I have been. I want to go there so badly that when I picture how my life there may look, I could nearly weep. But this is about so much more than me. God has graciously allowed me an opportunity to serve HIM while in Brazil, and that is to be my main goal. I am praying for Him to give me more and more of a passion for the people who I will be encountering and for more of a servant's heart.
This month is also a very hard one for me because I am just 30 days away from my college graduation. These will be filled to the brim with a lot of schoolwork, as my senior paper is due in just under two weeks and I have a lot yet to do for that and it is prime time for tests and papers to be due in the rest of my classes. In addition to the energy I must exert towards my studies, I am growing ever more emotionally drained by the fact that I will be leaving what has become a home for me over the past four years. I never have been the biggest fan of Upland, IN, but when it happens to contain so many that I care about and have been the birthplace for such great memories, it will be hard to say goodbye.
To summarize...
Prayer Requests:
- Persistence in studies
- TRUST that God will make a way
- A greater heart for Brazil and an open mind for the ways God will use me there
I have been singing an old gospel song these last few days, trying to convince myself to believe:
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but the Lord has given us power.
Never should I be afraid!"
Often I feel like the man who begged Jesus to help him with his unbelief. And I am grateful that Jesus does help us when we struggle to trust Him, though that must be so painful. I would have a hard time encouraging someone to trust me when I have shown them time and time again that they can. Yet that is just what He does, reminding me through letters, through people telling me how they are supporting me, through my dear friends, and through Himself that I have nothing to worry about.
I also need to disconnect myself from this equation much more than I have been. I want to go there so badly that when I picture how my life there may look, I could nearly weep. But this is about so much more than me. God has graciously allowed me an opportunity to serve HIM while in Brazil, and that is to be my main goal. I am praying for Him to give me more and more of a passion for the people who I will be encountering and for more of a servant's heart.
This month is also a very hard one for me because I am just 30 days away from my college graduation. These will be filled to the brim with a lot of schoolwork, as my senior paper is due in just under two weeks and I have a lot yet to do for that and it is prime time for tests and papers to be due in the rest of my classes. In addition to the energy I must exert towards my studies, I am growing ever more emotionally drained by the fact that I will be leaving what has become a home for me over the past four years. I never have been the biggest fan of Upland, IN, but when it happens to contain so many that I care about and have been the birthplace for such great memories, it will be hard to say goodbye.
To summarize...
Prayer Requests:
- Persistence in studies
- TRUST that God will make a way
- A greater heart for Brazil and an open mind for the ways God will use me there
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Everywhere I Look
I just returned to Taylor from a long spring/Easter break in Florida and the Bahamas. I went down there with the chorale for a tour and it was a very strenuous week but I enjoyed spending so many days with that group. While I was in Florida I had a faint hope to connect with some Brazilians. That is of course always my faint hope because I'm mildly obsessed, but I knew Florida was a popular place for Brazilians to live because of the similar climate. I prayed for a chance to meet someone at a church we sang at or even to stay with a Brazilian family one night after a concert. But I didn't actually expect anything. I should know better than to expect that God would not bless me when it comes to this...
Wednesday night I had the pleasure of meeting up with my dear, dear friend Stephanie. She was in town visiting her grandmother and the chorale sang at her grandmother's church, so we were able to spend a couple hours together afterwards. While we were walking along the beach by my hotel, we walked past two people who I thought were speaking Portuguese. I made her turn around and double back so I could be sure and when I was, I excused myself and asked if they were from Brazil. They were and were therefore more than happy to talk with me about it. We had a great conversation for about 30 minutes until Stephanie, being such a good sport about my crazy impromptu conversations, tugged my arm saying she really did have to head out.
During our talk, Frank asked me what religion I was. I responded that I was a Christian and he said, "cool, me too." His friend Carina said "yay, everyone is!" They asked where we were from and when I said Chicago, Frank remarked how crazy he's heard that city is and he wants to go there and to New York to party, etc. He told me a couple places to go in Brazil where the girls are so amazing...I don't know that I care about that, but I appreciated his input I suppose. With all of this in mind, I invited them to our concert in Deerfield Beach the next day. I called them the next morning to give them the time of the concert and address of the church and they told me they were coming.
Later that day the chorale stopped for dinner and it started raining while we were in the restaurant. It was a beautiful, warm downpour with the sun shining near the end. Naturally, I kept my eyes open for a rainbow. I saw one as we were walking out to the bus to drive to the church. When we arrived at the church there was a notice on the sign that said "Brazilian service 7pm" and a Brazilian flag in the sanctuary. So Frank and Carina came and all I could do was wave subtly to them as I walked down the side aisle between songs, because they left so quickly afterwards. Carina called me and left me a voicemail saying how beautiful it was and how she would like to stay in touch. I don't know if we will or if I will talk with them much ever again, but I know God brought them to that concert for a reason and I am just trusting He will use the message the chorale clearly offered to speak to their hearts and prepare them for what He is going to do.
All of this is to say that God is working even before I get on a plane in a few months and actually go to Brazil. And I could not be more happy, grateful and excited about that fact.
Wednesday night I had the pleasure of meeting up with my dear, dear friend Stephanie. She was in town visiting her grandmother and the chorale sang at her grandmother's church, so we were able to spend a couple hours together afterwards. While we were walking along the beach by my hotel, we walked past two people who I thought were speaking Portuguese. I made her turn around and double back so I could be sure and when I was, I excused myself and asked if they were from Brazil. They were and were therefore more than happy to talk with me about it. We had a great conversation for about 30 minutes until Stephanie, being such a good sport about my crazy impromptu conversations, tugged my arm saying she really did have to head out.
During our talk, Frank asked me what religion I was. I responded that I was a Christian and he said, "cool, me too." His friend Carina said "yay, everyone is!" They asked where we were from and when I said Chicago, Frank remarked how crazy he's heard that city is and he wants to go there and to New York to party, etc. He told me a couple places to go in Brazil where the girls are so amazing...I don't know that I care about that, but I appreciated his input I suppose. With all of this in mind, I invited them to our concert in Deerfield Beach the next day. I called them the next morning to give them the time of the concert and address of the church and they told me they were coming.
Later that day the chorale stopped for dinner and it started raining while we were in the restaurant. It was a beautiful, warm downpour with the sun shining near the end. Naturally, I kept my eyes open for a rainbow. I saw one as we were walking out to the bus to drive to the church. When we arrived at the church there was a notice on the sign that said "Brazilian service 7pm" and a Brazilian flag in the sanctuary. So Frank and Carina came and all I could do was wave subtly to them as I walked down the side aisle between songs, because they left so quickly afterwards. Carina called me and left me a voicemail saying how beautiful it was and how she would like to stay in touch. I don't know if we will or if I will talk with them much ever again, but I know God brought them to that concert for a reason and I am just trusting He will use the message the chorale clearly offered to speak to their hearts and prepare them for what He is going to do.
All of this is to say that God is working even before I get on a plane in a few months and actually go to Brazil. And I could not be more happy, grateful and excited about that fact.
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