Sweet Illumination

This blog, though only having a few posts, is already a testament to how God is blessing my desire to go to Brazil. But even knowing that, I have been having trouble lately combating the fears that I somehow will never make it. It seems that every day I commit my heart a little more to being there and every day the risk of my heart being broken grows. I shudder to think of how I would feel if my application for a visa was turned down or if something else would happen that could prohibit my work there.

I have been singing an old gospel song these last few days, trying to convince myself to believe:

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but the Lord has given us power.
Never should I be afraid!"

Often I feel like the man who begged Jesus to help him with his unbelief. And I am grateful that Jesus does help us when we struggle to trust Him, though that must be so painful. I would have a hard time encouraging someone to trust me when I have shown them time and time again that they can. Yet that is just what He does, reminding me through letters, through people telling me how they are supporting me, through my dear friends, and through Himself that I have nothing to worry about.

I also need to disconnect myself from this equation much more than I have been. I want to go there so badly that when I picture how my life there may look, I could nearly weep. But this is about so much more than me. God has graciously allowed me an opportunity to serve HIM while in Brazil, and that is to be my main goal. I am praying for Him to give me more and more of a passion for the people who I will be encountering and for more of a servant's heart.

This month is also a very hard one for me because I am just 30 days away from my college graduation. These will be filled to the brim with a lot of schoolwork, as my senior paper is due in just under two weeks and I have a lot yet to do for that and it is prime time for tests and papers to be due in the rest of my classes. In addition to the energy I must exert towards my studies, I am growing ever more emotionally drained by the fact that I will be leaving what has become a home for me over the past four years. I never have been the biggest fan of Upland, IN, but when it happens to contain so many that I care about and have been the birthplace for such great memories, it will be hard to say goodbye.

To summarize...
Prayer Requests:
- Persistence in studies
- TRUST that God will make a way
- A greater heart for Brazil and an open mind for the ways God will use me there