Sowing...

Apparently I'm very bad at updating lately...whoops. My apologies.

Let's see...life is pretty good. I'm really enjoying teaching at WEBB and am finding myself saddened to think that I only have 3 more classes to give before their real teacher gets back from England. I love my class, they're all so sweet. Studying is going well for me too, though I will have to cut back on my classes a LOT in November. I might only be able to take a couple hours a week of grammar. Such a big bummer because I really enjoy learning at this pace and in this amount, and now I can't imagine how much harder I'll have to work on my own time. But oh well.

The story behind that is a confusion between WEBB and OMS. They raised their prices for lessons by R$15/hour, and I was only told to raise $16 a day by OMS, so basically both people were wrong and I didn't raise enough money. I've talked some with the directors of the school about finding a way to maybe make some trades because they want me to stick around just to be a nice American accent basically. I don't mind that they use me if I can get some classes out of it, so I think we're going to work something out for November. Not sure how it will fit yet, but I'm glad that I will at least still be involved with WEBB. I was dreading losing those 20 hours a week that I'm there, because it is the only thing I have here that I really feel is worthwhile, and I love feeling independent, taking the bus and just taking care of myself for a few hours every day. I feel like I'm accomplishing something when I am studying Portuguese and teaching English. If I'm not there, I'm just going to church and having very simple and seemingly pointless conversations. I guess I will acquire some different responsibilities in the month of November, because I will have much more free time.

Last night was a really hard night for me because I just reached a point of such exhaustion about being in such a different country and culture. At first it was hard to not be able to understand or speak, because you feel totally alone. Then it was hard to be able to understand but say nothing. Now it's hard to be able to understand and say simple things that make me seem like a 5 year old. Knowing that no one actually knows me at all, and there is no way for them to get to know me because I can't express myself in the way that I want to is incredibly hard and really quite tiring. Gwen's car has been in the shop for a week, so last night we had to wait at church to get a ride home. After the prayer service they practiced for their Christmas cantata (starting at 10pm...can you imagine that happening in the US? Never, ha.) Then after the practice, which was only about 30 minutes, they had a snack of cheese bread and coffee. By the time we left it was 11:15pm. And the service was over at 9:30, but I needed to wait because there was no way for me to get home if I can't walk by myself after dark. I'm not involved in the cantata because I won't be in Londrina for Christmas, so I was wandering around for that whole time and it just became too much. Normally, I would find someone and talk with them a little bit, just to interact with people and have fun. But last night I couldn't bring myself to have one more silly chat. I am so ridiculously relational that all I want to do is have some deep, personal conversation with someone, anyone. I'm not too shy to strike up a conversation with someone and guide it to deeper waters. But I was unable. I completely lack the ability to do that in Portuguese, and it basically feels like someone has cut off my arms and legs or something.

The bright spot in this is that it could be much worse. I have been encouraged by my teachers telling me that I am learning Portuguese very well and very quickly. Language acquisition is something that simply takes time, and I'm blessed that for me it takes less time. Just slightly less. Also, I had a little chat with a woman at the bus stop yesterday, and after a minute or two, when I told her I was "studying Portuguese at that school on the corner," she looked at me with confusion and said, "you're not Brazilian?" Ha. No, no I am not. But thank you, that made my day.

Every bit of exhaustion that I was feeling last night basically centered around being so far from home, in such a strange situation. At this point, I'm working hard to understand lots of things, and I have to learn much more than just the language. It's tiring. But, though it is hard now, this is an investment. Settling into any new place is difficult and at time depressing. But in the end, it always works out. I hope. Ha.

Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to my family coming here. To have a taste of my life in the US in Brazil will be a dream come true!!