I suppose I'm having a brief moment. Well, I hope it's brief. I'm beginning to wonder what in the world I'm doing! Have I truly taken the time to grasp the severity of the idea that I will be living in a completely different country, thousands of miles from any type of comfort zone, for 6 entire months. Every part of this process seemed to move quickly. But did it? In my mind I have made several leaps of faith, and then I waited for the world to catch up with me. Let's remember, shall we?
First, Brazil? I'm going.
I can go with OMS International? Sure, let's just wait until they accept me.
I know I'll get a visa. When?
Money? It will come.
I've turned into an idealist in my old (ha) age and it's starting to make me nervous. Will the bubble burst someday? What am I now, a pessimistic idealist? Those people must get a lot of ulcers. But the best part about all of this is that God has allowed me to dream, and is continuing to do so. How wonderful that I have the freedom to wish and to hope, because His word does not return to Him empty. His vision is always fulfilled...it's coming slowly, and sometimes I realize just how huge the vision really is. It's not just "maybe Christine should go to Brazil after she graduates." He is cultivating a delicate, incredibly beautiful flower that is my future, and the seed is only beginning to break open. It hurts, but He is quick to remind me that there are things ahead that are more wonderful than I could ever imagine.
I also realized last night that I've become really good at packing things. I know what I can do without, and really I can be pretty "low maintenance." Sometimes. After all, it's not as though I'm moving into my own apartment and need to furnish it and be prepared for any and every situation. After all, one never knows when a garlic crusher will truly be necessary. No, I just need clothes and a few basic necessities. Perhaps because my packing list is so simple, I haven't grasped the fact that I am making a temporary, but significant, move. I looked around my room last night before I fell asleep, and I had an interesting thought. I've left for college 4 times, and I left for Colorado Springs once. That is 5 mini-life-packing experiences. What in the world is a mini-life-packing experience? Well, basically, I bring enough to live somewhere else, but leave all of my sentimental things at home. I looked at my little stuffed dog, Dee, who I used to carry EVERYWHERE. I haven't even touched it in years and years (probably because it will disintegrate if I do) and thought with relief that he could easily remain on my nightstand. I don't need to bring him. Nor do I need my lotion, a few pens, my letter-holder. These things do not need to come with me to Brazil. They will stay in MY room, with all of my other things. Why? Because I know I'll be returning to them in 6 months. That one fact is keeping me from really feeling like I'm moving on. I know I'll be right back here soon. Changed, but I'll be back here.
But soon...soon, there will be a day when I will need to find a new place for Dee. I'll pack him in a box, maybe a suitcase, and I will unpack him somewhere else. He'll sit on another shelf in another home. Maybe it is because I feel like this trip to Brazil is the beginning of the rest of my life that I find myself considering these things.
Or, maybe I just need to relax and add lotion to my packing list, because I really will need that in Brazil.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
2 comments:
Hey, don't worry, I get enough ulcers for the both of us. When I read that you were leaving your lotion and pens at home I thought to myself, "She can't do that! She might need lotion on the plane (no more than 3oz, though). And what if they don't sell her favorite kind of pens in Brazil!?" Ha, that pessimistic idealist comment really was brilliant, though. ha. Dude, in two weeks you'll be IN Brazil already. I'm in SHOCK. Sooo exciting!
Hey Christine, Enjoy this time in life when you don't need to pack so much. I remember a chapel message in college when the prof said that this is the one time in life when you can pack everything you need in one suitcase or car. Looking back 20 years later, he was so right. Money and stuff weren't a big entanglement as they are when you get older. Embrace it. Experience it. Let that form you (so you won't be entangled as much when you get older). And see what God will teach you in the process. You know we love you! Aunt Mimi
Post a Comment